I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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