I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
