I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
