Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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