so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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