I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
