Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
where am i from again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
