Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
