you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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