You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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