Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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