I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
