This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
