New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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