he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
