i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
