guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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