I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
