So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
