Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
