see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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