I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Michael Bay diarrhea
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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