Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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