So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
