if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
