A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
