She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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