As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
