I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
