i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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