Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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