If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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