i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he shaved USA in his pubs
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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