Ketchup is God's man juice
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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