Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This couple is walking their pig around campus
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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