Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
