Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I forget how to act sober
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
