Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
