I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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