I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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