You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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