Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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