Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
