I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
