Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
