Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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