She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
