We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
