If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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