Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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