someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
