He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
