Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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