when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
