I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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