Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
