I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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