i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
